Remember Me

Remember us, and all we used to be...

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I was looking at the "my guests" thingy on here, and I had an invisible guest. That means...someone read this journal?! :O The invisible guest icon for some reason amuses me...and looks like he should have a hat. That's why I have named him Invisible Hat Man. And I think he may be my new best friend. Because Invisible Hat Man cared enough to come here, read this, go "WTF" and leave. XD

So today is Fridaaaaaay...oh shit, it turned Saturday seventeen minutes ago. Never mind. Ack, i was so hyper toward the end of work and on the way home, and when I got here...but my energy goes away now. Tired now. x___x I was so ready to party, though. It sucks not having anyone to go out on Friday night with...I almost always hit the skating rink with my buddies on Friday nights back in the day in high school. Then occasionally went drag racing. >.> Then played video games all night. Damn, I miss people! Just in general. This place is so dead, and it makes me feel dead, too. I almost never see my neighbors. I'm convinced a few of them died. There are six units in my building, and I know five are occupied, but I hardly see anyone. I've only talked to one of them, the old lady in unit Z1 downstairs. There are hardly ever even any cars here. o__O I like being surrounded by activity. Feeling all that energy and aliveness. That's what made living at the dorms so nice...there was always some weird shit going down. I don't even know what there is to do around here...I guess go to bars or clubs? Ugh, I'd feel so awkward going by myself, though. I always get creeped on by really drunk guys. -.-; Bars bore me, anyway. And they smell like...drunks. You know...misery, sweat, and shame. I used to get dragged out to one once in awhile in college, and I didn't care for that scene.

I dunno if I was just hypomanic or hopped up on caffeine, but I felt pretty okay most of the day. Prolly 'cause I was off in happy places in my head. Because I look around, and nothing is different...same old boring nothingness. Is it...a sign that I'm losing it by being so happy about stuff that's only in my head? My shrink thought so. She was quite interested in my imaginary friends. I mean justly so; they're cool as shit. real people have become my imaginary friends, if that makes sense. I talk to old friends in my head. I think that makes me a little crazy. But if it makes me feel better, should I stop it? I feel okayish right now. But I know bad things may happen if I retreat too far into my own world. It's starting to feel real. I have these stupid notions sometimes that if I pretend hard enough, it will be made real. Weird, I know. I do a lot of weird shit. Like today at work I tried to use my scanner gun as a time machine. It all started when I got bored and decided to Livejournal-stalk my seventeen-year-old self. Reading back in old entries, I found out that Friday the Thirteenth back in October of '06 was a really good day for me. So I got the stupid thought at work that maybe my scanner was a time machine, and if I changed the date on it, I'd go to that point in time! :D Not that I REALLY believed it, but I decided to do it anyway. You never know, right? So I set it to October 13th, 2006 at 2:03 pm. And GUESS WHAT HAPPENED? Nothing, yeah. u__u I'm so weird sometimes. I try to make myself believe the stupidest shit sometimes, just to make myself feel better. Kind of like how some people turn to religion just for something to believe in at a bad time. I still make wishes if I lose an eyelash, see a shooting star, see the first star of the night, see the clock at 11:11, toss a penny into a fountain, and all those other things that only ten-year-old girls believe in. Hey, those wishes came true before. Maybe they will again (just let me have this, people; I'm tired of being miserable)!

Hmm, what to do? I think I may watch Gravitation. It's a really awesome anime I started watching a while back with a friend, but I never got to finish it. Yeah, I think I will. The music from that anime makes me so happy and hyper. It's infectious. Totally watching it in Japanese this time around, though. I'm seriously considering becoming fluent in Japanese. But Rosetta Stone be expensive. I knew a guy who was in the process of learning it, and he said RS worked well (he's the closest to being fluent in it besides the people actually FROM Japan I've known). It's be awesome to visit there one day. It's my kind of culture; uber-social. People there actually derive happiness from social bonds, rather than material crap like Americans. My favorite sociology professor described it this way: "Take breakfast for example. Americans derive their pleasure fro9m the food they're eating. The Japanese derive happiness from the people they share the food with." Sounds exactly like what I've always tried to explain makes ME happy, but that idea got terrible reception from my American friends. Asian foreigners are probably on the whole the nicest people I've ever met. They just strike up conversations with you, instead of glaring at you across the room and deciding fifty reasons to not talk to you before even trying. Oldish Asian guy at work the other day was working some overtime on my shift in breakcase, and I had so much fun talking to him and working with him. The only person that seemed genuinely interested in interacting with me in a long time, and also one of the only adults I've seen that actually LAUGHS and has fun. He almost hit an old lady in the face with a box and we cracked up (the old lady did too, don't worry; she's fine). Now every time i see him on the way out, he enthusiastically greets me and we exchange a few words. I wonder what country he's from...I don't recognize the ethnicity of his name (can't spell it, either, psh). Every time I go to the Asian market here, too, people love me. ^^ And old Korean ladies at the grocery store who need assistance getting items from the top shelf. XDD But yeah...I'd love to travel to Asia.


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