After thinking about it (helps that I'm fully in my right mind now) and re-sorting the facts, I realize I've been duped. I've been duped about being duped. That person told me many times (recently, in fact) that they did indeed care about me. Loved me, in fact. They said they "decided against" doing anything about it, or maybe they meant decided against having those feelings...but you can't decide what to feel. That's just the red flag of denial. They told me as well that they're scared of that being true about them. Another red flag pointing to forced denial. Told me that they care about all their friends, but often push them away out of hatred of themselves.
So...fuck you, you still care about me. If you ever read this, you'll know who you are. Just the fact that you ARE reading this means you care. Whether you admit it or not. You'll have to face it eventually. And I'll be here when you do. That's something worth holding on for. YOU'RE worth holding on for, just like always. Thank you for unwittingly returning my will to live. Told you it had nothing to do with whether or not you'll speak to me.
Keep in mind that this is the truth. Any lapses in sanity that occur henceforth and cause me to speak to the contrary are just that: lapses in sanity. I should not be held accountable for things I say due to mental illness. I will get my medication when I can, but that may be a while. Bear with me, as venting the random thoughts in my mind, no matter how bizarre and twisted, is how I cope with my illness in lieu of a real person to talk to. I'm trying to save myself (and therefore living up to what I was told to do) by doing so.
Thank you for reading, invisible people. Hope your day is as full of enlightenment as mine. Work awaits; bye for now.
Remember us, and all we used to be...
- After waking up